The Call...and the Cost

OK, I must confess one of my many shortcomings to you: I can be extremely cynical and critical. It's horrible; yes, I know. But I must admit it. Today I woke up and just was pretty out of it, very tired and so forth. I make it to my PE class, get done with that early, and go to a special chapel that is part of a series our school is doing. Our speaker is quite good, and she has been talking about following the call of God in our lives. Yesterday, she spoke about being willing to sail "beyond the map" for God. Today, she spoke of the cost of following him. She gave statistic after statistic and story after story of those who put their life on the line for God every day. She spoke of Christians in Africa, India, China, and other Southeast Asia countries...oh, and my heart bled. When she spoke of the Southeast Asian countries, I thought, "These are the people I grew up with. I know some of these people she refers to who count their lives as nothing next to knowing Christ." She went on to talk about what the Bible says about suffering, about counting the cost to follow Christ, for that cost will include suffering. Oh, and I wanted to weep. (Here is where my cynical and critical side comes out) I looked at the students sitting around me and wondered if they understood any of this, or if they even cared. Two girls sat in front of me, perfect hair, makeup, and clothes, whispering forever about something; the girl sitting beside me was asleep. And I just wanted to cry. I walked back to my dorm wishing I was somewhere else, anywhere else in the world but in America where people couldn't see beyond the end of their own noses.

Ok, now that I have vented that thought, let me apologize, for I realize that the statement I just made is highly unfair. First of all, I know that there are many, many amazing, godly people on this campus (many of whom are my best friends) who probably were very touched by the chapel service this morning. I know some of them probably understand God's call on their lives better than I do in my own. I know that there are thousands of Americans who care very much about the suffering of their Christian brothers and sisters around the world, whose hearts are very tender towards God's spirit and his work. So forgive me for saying all I did. I think I'm very tired today (although I've been getting more sleep lately, so I don't know why I'm so tired), and several things have made me very emotional. Missions and the suffering of Christians and others around the world has always touched me at my core--not necessarily because I'm some super-spiritual, super-sensitive person, but because I've grown up around those "heroes of the faith" who have literally given up their all to be witnesses for Christ. And when I see what they have done--when I see all the people who suffer in darkness because they have not yet been told about Christ--I just feel in my heart of hearts that I could never turn my back on that. I couldn't imagine settling down in America forever, a nice little house wife, and ignoring the battle for souls around the world. The Lord has a mission of salvation, and he has asked us--given us the privelage--to be involved and a part of his work. I don't know how I could ever stand before the Lord someday and say, "Well, I saw all that was going on in the world, and I knew there were a lot of people who were dying every day without you...but I'm sorry, it just was too hard, too uncomfortable, for me to go and give of myself. Hope that's ok, Jesus. I mean, I know you died for them, too...but honestly, was I supposed to step out of my comfort zone to tell them that?" I couldn't stand the pain I think that would cause my Lord, that though he gave his all for me, I was not willing to give anything for him.

So forgive my cynicism and arrogance, and please know that I realize there are many, many people on this campus and in America who are more devoted to Christ and his cause than I am. But it feels very lonely sometimes to have been on the other side of the world, and to have seen the faces of people talked about in a chapel service, and wonder if those around me will take long enough to pause and ponder those souls before going back to their own lives. And may the Lord forgive me for the times I have not given him my all or not been willing to make a difference in the world because it was too "hard." May I be willing to hold nothing back in answer to God's call; may I count the cost, and still be found willing to answer and obey. May the Lord somehow use me, and use you, to take his love to a dying world, no matter the cost.

"Why are the unreached still unreached? Because there are not yet enough people prepared to pay the price."
The Price: "groaning prayer, hurtful giving, and self-sacrifice."
The Cost: "complete, conscious, and continuous commitment."
-Patrick Johnstone

If you want to be my follower, you must love me more than your own father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters--yes, more than your own life. And you cannot be my disciple if you do not carry your own cross and follow me....So no one can become my disciple without giving up everything for me.
-Luke 14:26-27, 33 (NLT)

Simply put, if you're not willing to take what is dearest to you, whether plans or people, and kiss it goodbye, you can't be my disciple.
-Luke 14:33 (MSG)