"I entrust my spirit into your hands"
I keep thinking today is Wednesday, for some odd reason, but it's really Tuesday. (Duh, I know) Tuesdays are my long days where I leave my room at 9:00 and get back at 4:00, with about half an hour in there to squeeze in lunch. So I'm pretty tired now, but it's been a good day. We had our first chapel service this morning, and it was awesome! There was a group there who led worship, and so for the whole service we just got to sing and praise God. I loved it! It was a really special time, kind of a refresher before the day started. God used the songs just to remind me of how good and faithful he is, whatever our circumstances in life may be.
The rest of my day went well. My classes are all pretty interesting, especially my English literature class. My professor in there is just absolutely amazing. He's an amazing teacher, but he's also passionate and inspiring. Choir was fun today; we have some really neat pieces of literature we're doing. They're so fun! So my day finally was over, and I did a little homework, took care of a couple of things, and then got to eat supper with Kirstin and Christina. Then I worked some more on homework. In my Methods of Biblical Interpretation class, we are learning to make observations about passages of Scripture. Now, observations are not interpretation or application; rather, they are simply stating the really obvious things about the passage that we almost always tend to skip over. It's been interesting to slow down and read the verse(s) over and over, finding that just when I think I can't get another observation out of the passage, another one jumps out at me. It's been neat.
Random thought: last night, I was reading in Luke about when Jesus died on the cross. And at that last moment, he shouts, "Father, I entrust my spirit into your hands!" (this is Luke 23:46, in case you wanted to know) And for some reason, that really struck me. At Jesus' darkest hour, when everything seems to be against him, when he has literally only a breath left to give, what does he do? Just take that breath and die? Or mutter something about how unfair his situation is? Or cry over how much pain he's in? No. In his last moment, against all odds, he takes the last breath he has to shout out, "I entrust my spirit into your hands!" Now, I know I've heard a lot of interpretations about why Jesus cries this out, but I had never really felt it very personally before now. And this is my personal interpretation: when everything seemed to say that Jesus had "lost," he shouts out that he still trusts God, that he's placing his very soul into the Father's hands. I know I don't tend to do that when I feel like I am at the end of myself. I want to sit down and cry, or grieve how hard the situation is, or even resent the painful circumstances. But what if, instead, in utter defiance against all the hardships of life, I cried out--not just cried out, but shouted, as Christ did--"I trust you, God! I entrust my spirit into your hands!"
I've been learning a lot about difficult situations. I've felt rather overcome of late. I struggle through hard circumstances, trying to remind myself that this is somehow all for my good, that it's going to test and grow my faith (which all of that, as true as it is, doesn't always help a person feel better). And then it occurred to me one day: what if trials aren't just to grow my faith? Or maybe they are, but in a way I never suspected. Faith isn't about enduring; when I think of testing my faith, I think I translate that into "can you hold out and believe you'll somehow make it through?" Faith isn't about painful endurance; faith isn't about holding onto the fact that someday it will all be over; faith isn't about believing you can make it. The realization I've come to, or at least this is true for me, is that the faith that's being tested is my faith in God's LOVE. God's not trying to push me into 10 mile runs to see if I can endure without fainting. He's saying, "Here, let me show you how much I love you. Let this strengthen your faith in the fact that I am a loving God." Or at least that's the conclusion I've come up with. Feeling like you're being tested so your faith can "endure," is rather lonely and painful; but feeling like the trials are giving your faith an opportunity to grow as you see how loving God is...well, that gives hope. That faith leads to a hope in God's love. That's worth fighting for.
"And these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love."
The rest of my day went well. My classes are all pretty interesting, especially my English literature class. My professor in there is just absolutely amazing. He's an amazing teacher, but he's also passionate and inspiring. Choir was fun today; we have some really neat pieces of literature we're doing. They're so fun! So my day finally was over, and I did a little homework, took care of a couple of things, and then got to eat supper with Kirstin and Christina. Then I worked some more on homework. In my Methods of Biblical Interpretation class, we are learning to make observations about passages of Scripture. Now, observations are not interpretation or application; rather, they are simply stating the really obvious things about the passage that we almost always tend to skip over. It's been interesting to slow down and read the verse(s) over and over, finding that just when I think I can't get another observation out of the passage, another one jumps out at me. It's been neat.
Random thought: last night, I was reading in Luke about when Jesus died on the cross. And at that last moment, he shouts, "Father, I entrust my spirit into your hands!" (this is Luke 23:46, in case you wanted to know) And for some reason, that really struck me. At Jesus' darkest hour, when everything seems to be against him, when he has literally only a breath left to give, what does he do? Just take that breath and die? Or mutter something about how unfair his situation is? Or cry over how much pain he's in? No. In his last moment, against all odds, he takes the last breath he has to shout out, "I entrust my spirit into your hands!" Now, I know I've heard a lot of interpretations about why Jesus cries this out, but I had never really felt it very personally before now. And this is my personal interpretation: when everything seemed to say that Jesus had "lost," he shouts out that he still trusts God, that he's placing his very soul into the Father's hands. I know I don't tend to do that when I feel like I am at the end of myself. I want to sit down and cry, or grieve how hard the situation is, or even resent the painful circumstances. But what if, instead, in utter defiance against all the hardships of life, I cried out--not just cried out, but shouted, as Christ did--"I trust you, God! I entrust my spirit into your hands!"
I've been learning a lot about difficult situations. I've felt rather overcome of late. I struggle through hard circumstances, trying to remind myself that this is somehow all for my good, that it's going to test and grow my faith (which all of that, as true as it is, doesn't always help a person feel better). And then it occurred to me one day: what if trials aren't just to grow my faith? Or maybe they are, but in a way I never suspected. Faith isn't about enduring; when I think of testing my faith, I think I translate that into "can you hold out and believe you'll somehow make it through?" Faith isn't about painful endurance; faith isn't about holding onto the fact that someday it will all be over; faith isn't about believing you can make it. The realization I've come to, or at least this is true for me, is that the faith that's being tested is my faith in God's LOVE. God's not trying to push me into 10 mile runs to see if I can endure without fainting. He's saying, "Here, let me show you how much I love you. Let this strengthen your faith in the fact that I am a loving God." Or at least that's the conclusion I've come up with. Feeling like you're being tested so your faith can "endure," is rather lonely and painful; but feeling like the trials are giving your faith an opportunity to grow as you see how loving God is...well, that gives hope. That faith leads to a hope in God's love. That's worth fighting for.
"And these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love."
posted by Katy @ 7:07 PM
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