Life and its amusements

What? Is tomorrow already going to be Friday again? I'm serious, I have no idea where my weeks go! Granted, this week seemed long while I was in it, but I look back and have no idea what happened to all of my weekdays!! It's so crazy! This weekend, however, almost all of my friends are going "home" (although Christina's 75% sure she's staying here--woo-hoo!). Kirstin's going home, and Rachel, Melissa, and Ashley are all going to stay with Melissa near the Ft. Worth area, too. When I found out Christina was thinking about going home, too, near the Dallas area, I just said, "Whoa, if everyone's leaving, I'm going, too!" But I think I shall stay, especially since Christina's most likely staying with me. (Oh, what fun I'm sure we'll have!) And I hate having to miss playing my guitar for Sunday school on Sunday mornings anyways. Ah, well, I'm sure this can be a very exciting weekend, even with most of my friends gone; after all, Christina's enough entertainment for anyone! (*wink* Love ya, Cinnamon!)

I had a lovely gift from God as I walked back to my dorm from class today. It was actually RAINING! Yes, in this city, of all places, it was raining! Ok, granted, it was nothing like Asia's rain, but for this city it was pretty good--I'd even say it was a step above sprinkling, and it even lasted for a couple of minutes! And it felt like God gave me a piece of "home," 'cause I don't know how many times I've walked around my old school campus in the rain. It just was a nice, familiar feeling, you know?

I'd like to share an amusing story. Or at least it amused me. There's this guy (who shall remain nameless) who, at the beginning of school, was...well, the word "stalking" might be a bit strong, so let's just say he was "persistent." He called me a lot, somehow found out my e-mail address and would e-mail me several times a day, and he was always asking if I wanted to go shopping with him (which I could never figure out, because most guys I know don't ask girls to go shopping with them). But anyways, I tried to discourage him, in as nice a way as possible, since I definitely wasn't interested in THAT way. Well, I think he got the hint, 'cause he slacked off. But on Tuesday after New Testament class, he asked if I would be studying for our quiz on Thursday. I was like, "Yeah. Why?" (Dumb, Katy, dumb!) So he starts talking about how he's failing all our quizzes and he thinks that I seem to know what to study, so..."could we study together?" Ok, I'm not good at being ambushed on these things (I was totally unprepared for this, so yes, I felt ambushed), so I was like, "Um, ok, sure." (Smooth, Katy, smooth!) But, as I thought over it, I decided that I really didn't want to meet with him one-on-one to study for this quiz. And since he had asked me to call him about when I wanted to study (I asked him to call me, but noooo, he wanted me to call him), I called yesterday afternoon, got his voicemail, and just said, "Some things have come up, and I don't think I'll be able to get together with you to study. But if you need help knowing what to study, I'd be happy to take a few minutes over the phone to go over the notes and highlight what I think would be good to focus on." So yes, I thought I had put that in a rather nice way. Now here's the amusing part: does he call back? No! Ah-ha! Once we're no longer meeting to study together, suddenly this quiz isn't important enough to go over BY PHONE. I was so amused by this; I'm really not sure why, but it struck me as tremendously funny.

Yes, so that's my amusing story. Not all guys here are this weird (although I do seem to attract all the odd, stalker types); there was a very nice guy in computer class the other day who offered to let me wear his jacket since I was cold (that room is freezing!). I was like, "Wow, your mom raised you right!" So there are some nice guys here. None that I'm interested in for much more than a friendship...ah, but such is life, and I figure God will work out that area of my life in his timing.

Not much else to say. I started to write out some things related to chapel and other things God's been teaching me, but all my musings became rather long, so I will put them in a seperate post below for those who still want to read my ramblings. And of course I can't leave you without a quote!

A human life is like a single letter of the alphabet. It can be meaningless. Or part of a great meaning.
-Unknown

May the Lord bless your life with meaning this week, and may he bless you with the knowledge of the Great Meaning he wants to bring about through your life. Much love to each of you!

Musings

Ok, this is what I started to write in with the post above, but it seemed to take on a more serious tone and to become very long, so I decided to post it seperately.

Chapel today was pretty good. I didn't leave frustrated today, although there were these guys sitting behind us who talked like crazy and sat there mocking the speaker--all of my friends and me were ready to turn around and glare at them! But oh well. We talked about what it meant to truly live a Kingdom lifestyle. How I long to bless my Savior by living a life that is madly in love with him! I'm learning that love is so much more than an emotion. We think we have to "feel" something all the time to love someone, when really emotion is only something that accompanies true love. Love is a choice, an act of will; it is submission and sacrifice; it is dying to yourself for that other person. May I not be found lacking in love for my God or my fellow man.

Perhaps you've noticed that I enjoy quotes. I do! There are some truly profound words out there if we'd just take time to find them. I was reading from Amy Carmichael's book Candles in the Dark, which is a collection of parts from different letters she's written to people throughout her life. The last section of her book pertains to parts on Love and Trust. I read through that section last night, I wanted to share some things with you that God pointed out to me through her words.

Love for others:

More and more I feel that love is the golden secret of life. The very air of heaven is love, for God is love and love never fails. So go on loving not only the loveless but the unlovable, the difficult, the perplexing, the disappointing--until the end.

Don't let us ever be afraid of being too loving. We can never love enough. Through all the chances and changes of life, hold all together in tender love. Let nothing quench love. Let nothing cool it.

I want to ask you to be very careful about love; it is our most precious possession. Don't let it be weakened anywhere. Be loving. Be courteous to one another....Love is never rude. Look not on your own things but on the things of others. What can you do today to make someone happy? Do that.

Love for God:

You will, I believe and trust, become more and more in love with a crucified Savior. He wants lovers. Oh how tepid is the love of so many who call themselves by His name. How tepid our own--my own--in comparison with the lava fires of His eternal love. I pray that you may be an ardent lover, the kind of lover who sets others on fire.

God's love for us:

I have been thinking of 1 John 4:16, which in one translation says "We have come to understand and to trust the love with God hath in us." We can never fully understand that love, but we can begin to understand it even here and now, and as we understand we trust. This means that we trust all that the love of God does; all He gives and does not give, all He says and all He does not say. To it all we say, by His most loving enabling, I trust.

"We cannot measure the love He showers on souls who give and abandon themselves to Him, and who have no higher aspiration than to do all that they belive to be pleasing to Him." [quoted by Amy Carmichael from Jeanne De Chantal]

If you have read all of this, you are truly patient. These are the things the Lord has been teaching me of what it means to love him and be loved by him. I want to close with (again) words of Amy Carmichael; take them into your heart, for I make them my special prayer for you today:

Go on hoping. Again and again when I had all but lost hope I used to go to the God of Hope and ask for the gift of hope. Never be shaken in hope. Never be cooled in love. Never get tired of loving and hoping--yes, and believing....May His love fill us, strengthen us, be in us hope and faith and patience--yes, and joyful expectation. We shall reap--you will reap--if we faint not. Now God bless you all. I shall be loving you to the end--and there is no end to love.

The Call...and the Cost

OK, I must confess one of my many shortcomings to you: I can be extremely cynical and critical. It's horrible; yes, I know. But I must admit it. Today I woke up and just was pretty out of it, very tired and so forth. I make it to my PE class, get done with that early, and go to a special chapel that is part of a series our school is doing. Our speaker is quite good, and she has been talking about following the call of God in our lives. Yesterday, she spoke about being willing to sail "beyond the map" for God. Today, she spoke of the cost of following him. She gave statistic after statistic and story after story of those who put their life on the line for God every day. She spoke of Christians in Africa, India, China, and other Southeast Asia countries...oh, and my heart bled. When she spoke of the Southeast Asian countries, I thought, "These are the people I grew up with. I know some of these people she refers to who count their lives as nothing next to knowing Christ." She went on to talk about what the Bible says about suffering, about counting the cost to follow Christ, for that cost will include suffering. Oh, and I wanted to weep. (Here is where my cynical and critical side comes out) I looked at the students sitting around me and wondered if they understood any of this, or if they even cared. Two girls sat in front of me, perfect hair, makeup, and clothes, whispering forever about something; the girl sitting beside me was asleep. And I just wanted to cry. I walked back to my dorm wishing I was somewhere else, anywhere else in the world but in America where people couldn't see beyond the end of their own noses.

Ok, now that I have vented that thought, let me apologize, for I realize that the statement I just made is highly unfair. First of all, I know that there are many, many amazing, godly people on this campus (many of whom are my best friends) who probably were very touched by the chapel service this morning. I know some of them probably understand God's call on their lives better than I do in my own. I know that there are thousands of Americans who care very much about the suffering of their Christian brothers and sisters around the world, whose hearts are very tender towards God's spirit and his work. So forgive me for saying all I did. I think I'm very tired today (although I've been getting more sleep lately, so I don't know why I'm so tired), and several things have made me very emotional. Missions and the suffering of Christians and others around the world has always touched me at my core--not necessarily because I'm some super-spiritual, super-sensitive person, but because I've grown up around those "heroes of the faith" who have literally given up their all to be witnesses for Christ. And when I see what they have done--when I see all the people who suffer in darkness because they have not yet been told about Christ--I just feel in my heart of hearts that I could never turn my back on that. I couldn't imagine settling down in America forever, a nice little house wife, and ignoring the battle for souls around the world. The Lord has a mission of salvation, and he has asked us--given us the privelage--to be involved and a part of his work. I don't know how I could ever stand before the Lord someday and say, "Well, I saw all that was going on in the world, and I knew there were a lot of people who were dying every day without you...but I'm sorry, it just was too hard, too uncomfortable, for me to go and give of myself. Hope that's ok, Jesus. I mean, I know you died for them, too...but honestly, was I supposed to step out of my comfort zone to tell them that?" I couldn't stand the pain I think that would cause my Lord, that though he gave his all for me, I was not willing to give anything for him.

So forgive my cynicism and arrogance, and please know that I realize there are many, many people on this campus and in America who are more devoted to Christ and his cause than I am. But it feels very lonely sometimes to have been on the other side of the world, and to have seen the faces of people talked about in a chapel service, and wonder if those around me will take long enough to pause and ponder those souls before going back to their own lives. And may the Lord forgive me for the times I have not given him my all or not been willing to make a difference in the world because it was too "hard." May I be willing to hold nothing back in answer to God's call; may I count the cost, and still be found willing to answer and obey. May the Lord somehow use me, and use you, to take his love to a dying world, no matter the cost.

"Why are the unreached still unreached? Because there are not yet enough people prepared to pay the price."
The Price: "groaning prayer, hurtful giving, and self-sacrifice."
The Cost: "complete, conscious, and continuous commitment."
-Patrick Johnstone

If you want to be my follower, you must love me more than your own father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters--yes, more than your own life. And you cannot be my disciple if you do not carry your own cross and follow me....So no one can become my disciple without giving up everything for me.
-Luke 14:26-27, 33 (NLT)

Simply put, if you're not willing to take what is dearest to you, whether plans or people, and kiss it goodbye, you can't be my disciple.
-Luke 14:33 (MSG)

Sanctification

Am I prepared to let God grip me by His power and do a work in me that is worthy of Himself? Sanctification is not my idea of what I want God to do for me; sanctification is God's idea of what He wants to do for me, and He has to get me into the attitude of mind and spirit where at any cost I will let Him sanctify me wholly...
We have been talking a great deal about sanctification--what is it all going to amount to? It should work out into rest in God which means oneness with God, a oneness which will make us not only blameless in His sight but a deep joy to Him.
-Oswald Chambers
Taken from My Utmost for His Highest

Be Still

Phew! This weekend went by so fast. I was so excited because last week had gone by so fast, and then it was the weekend again. I guess I forgot that weekends can go by fast, too, leaving you wondering where it went. It was a good weekend, but it was a little draining in some areas. I probably should've tried to catch up on more sleep this weekend than I did. Sunday, I really felt the lack of rest. I woke up with sniffles and just felt so tired and out of it. And the day was packed. I got to Sunday school all ready to play my guitar for worship, and the laptop I usually use to project the words to the songs wasn't there. So yes...slight freak-out moment. (I know, petty of me, wasn't it?) But we improvised and wrote a couple of the songs up on the whiteboard, which took a little longer, but it worked. After church, Christina and I got to eat lunch with my English teacher and her husband. They invited us over to their house (and it was beautiful!!) for a great meal, and we visited some with them. Then I tried frantically to get some laundry done that afternoon, between 2:00 and 5:00, since at 5:00 Christina and I had to go say goodbye to a dear lady at our church who's leaving tomorrow for New Zealand. Then we had to scurry over to Pizza Hut for my friend Rachel's birthday celebration...I was so tired. There had been a couple of events that weekend that had emotionally drained me as well. Anyways, I did get to talk with my mom that evening till almost midnight, and I talked through some of those things. It was good to talk with her. After that, I got to chat with Lance briefly online, which was nice...we haven't talked as much lately, so it was good to catch up. For all of you who know him and/or have prayed for him, he's doing really well. The kidney is working, and he's adjusting nicely, although he has to do a lot of labs and take a lot of meds and see the doctor once a week. Please pray for him, as he spends most of his time at home alone, and that can be rough on him.

So yeah...it was good to chat with him. Today, tho, I slept in through my PE class. I woke up a few minutes after it had started, so I jumped out of bed to change and run over there...but yeah, I stood up, and about fell over. I haven't been feeling well this weekend...so I just decided to go back to sleep. The rest of the day went well, and I felt a little better. I got a good bit of homework done, too, this afternoon; I ate supper with my two best friends; and my speech class got out 45 minutes early this evening! So woo-hoo for that. Then Kirstin and Christina came to talk for a while; now I'm chatting with Lance again and getting ready for bed.

So often we don't understand what God's doing, or where he might be taking us, or even what he'd have us to do. But in some ways that's a blessing. It may not feel like it, but I can just picture the Lord working out these amazing things over us, even when we can't see them. Oh it's hard to trust...but I think that's the beauty of it...coming out on the other side and seeing how he's made pain into so much joy. He delights in the unexpected, I believe. Oh how I pray to be able to trust him and delight in what he holds for me here and now, even when I can't understand! I pray the same for each of you. Oh Lord, teach me to be still, not to fear...just to be still...and to trust you.

There is an Answer

This is a song I wrote today on my guitar; I can't give you the music, but thought I'd share the words:

There is an Answer

A young girl, heart broken and sore
Life left in fragments by years gone before
She cries alone at night, pain in her soul
Oh, who will show her the One to make her whole?

Oh there is an answer for this aching, hurting world
But we keep it to ourselves, in fingers closed and curled
Oh Lord, how can we miss your heart
For those alone, dying, and broken apart?
There will be pain always in this world in which we live
But don’t let me make it worse by refusing to love and give

A young man, an outcast and hopeless
All his life, he’s been told he’s worthless
He has no dreams, for no one believed in him first
He turns away to other things to quench his thirst

Oh, there is an answer for a hopeless, seeking world
But we keep it to ourselves, in fingers closed and curled
Oh Lord, how can we miss your heart
For the outcasts whose lives are falling apart?
There will be pain always in this world in which we live
But don’t let me make it worse by refusing to love and give

A small family who prays to God 5 times a day
They search for heaven and hope they’re good enough to find a way
They don’t know there’s a God who stepped out of heaven to give his love
They don’t know he sent a Son to show us the way to God above

Oh, there is an answer for a lost and dying world
Why do we keep it to ourselves, in fingers closed and curled?
Oh, Lord, don’t let us miss your heart
For the peoples who still live in the dark
There will be the lost always in this world in which we live
But don’t let me refuse them life by not choosing to love and give

We are Christ’s hands and feet
He gave us a mission to complete

Jesus holds the answer for a sinful, fading world
He let life loose with scarred hands open and uncurled
He came to show us God’s own heart
So we wouldn’t have to live apart
He offered salvation to the world in which we live
Don’t let us mock his death by refusing to love and give
Lord, please don’t let me mock your death by refusing to love and give

My cousins, Kaleb, Noel, and Seth, with "Aunt" Virginia and me 

Family Weekend

Yay for family! And while I'm at it, yay for tennis! (I'll explain about the tennis momentarily)

Yesterday, my aunt, uncle, and cousins came to visit me here at college. How exciting! My uncle actually went to college here "in his day." They got here around 6:30; I had just gotten back from being out with Cole and Christina. We went to Family Christian Bookstore to pick up a CD I'd pre-ordered, and Christina had wanted to get another CD, too. Cole ended up buying one, and yes, I have to admit, I ended up getting two other CDs besides the one I'd already pre-ordered. (But I did have a 50% off coupon, so I decided to go for it! I admit it, I'm addicted to music, especially worship music)

Anyways, so my family got here and we ate at the free cookout (yay for free food!), and then we went to play tennis (yes, I told you the tennis part would be coming in soon!). See, the other night, Cole and Christina had taken me to play tennis. Cole's pretty good at it, and Christina's taken a tennis class this year; she's getting good, too! So I had never really played much (at ALL), but I thought I'd give it a shot. So we played Thursday night, and then last night, Melissa wanted to play, so Cole, Christina, and I met her at the tennis courts. My cousin Noel (age 11) came with us--and wow, she's quite good! So we played, and then the rest of my family (who had been watching a movie on the lawn) came, and we all traded off playing. My aunt, uncle, and the boys went to stay with a friend of ours at 10:00, but the rest of us stayed until 11:15 playing tennis. Then I got Noel back to my room, we got showers, and she spent the night with me. (Have I mentioned how much I adore my cousins?!)

This morning, Noel and I met her parents and brothers at our friend's house, "Aunt" Virginia to us. We had a wonderful breakfast and had time to stay and talk until 10:30 or so. On the way home, we stopped off at the house that my great-grandparents lived in and that my grandmother grew up in; we took pictures in front of it. Then my uncle and aunt ran me back by my school, and the kids looked around in our school bookstore for something to buy...but alas, my school's merchandise is a little too expensive for the $15 each kid had to spend! So they left around without buying anything around 11:00. A short visit, so I almost hated that they had to drive all this way for just a quick time together--but I was very glad they did! They may come back sometime soon, perhaps for Homecoming.

I adore my aunt and uncle, and my lil' cousins. (Although, they really aren't so little anymore!! I can hardly believe it. I was there when the last two were born, and I remember when Noel was a baby...and now she's 11, Kaleb's 9, and Seth is 8. Kaleb's the age I was when Seth was born. What is this?!) And I adore my friends! I've had so much fun being with them, and it's been fun playing tennis together these last two nights. These friends have been my "family" for me. So I guess, in that respect, the Lord gives me family weekends all the time...for I'm surrounded by brothers and sisters in the Lord. Much love and thanks to each of my friends who have been family to me! And thanks to the Lord, who supplies every need I may ever have. Though my immediate family is in another hemisphere, God has been faithful to supply "family" here, too. I'm so thankful for all of my family (by blood or by love--or both!) here on earth; and I'm so thankful for my Father in heaven, who will never leave me, nor forsake me.

CNN.com - Seven teens die in Brazil detention center fight - Sep 24, 2004

I read this today, and it broke my heart. I wonder where those teens in the detention center would have been today if someone had told them years ago that Jesus loved them?
Click here for story

When it rains

Hey, wonderful people! I just realized that I haven't posted much since Monday, and now it's Thursday...honestly, I have no clue where my week went! Tomorrow begins the weekend and I just know that I just got done having a weekend. 'Course my aunt, uncle, and cousins are coming to visit me tomorrow, so I am way excited about that.

Well, I can't say that my week started off on the absolute best note. Monday afternoon and evening especially were a little rough. I have a friend who's going through a rough time, and I'm not able to be there for him; and I miss him a lot, so that had me down a little. Then I had a long talk with another friend that evening about an argument we'd had; we were both tired, so I think our conversation really only led to more hurt feelings. So I didn't go to sleep until 1:00 or so, and I had a test the next morning that I had been going to get up early to study for. Well, I ended up sleeping through chapel and skipped choir (I hated to!) to study. So then I went to my English class and my New Testament class, where I took my test. It was one of those bleak days, you know? I wrote a friend about it that day and said, "It was just one of those days where when it rains, it pours." But I talked with my friend who I'd had the argument with later that evening, and she apologized, and I apologized, and things just began to look a lot brighter.

Wednesday I got done with class early (1:15 PM), so I got to go back to my room and clean up (which I'd been needing to do for a while). At 3:00, I had a babysitting job for my computer teacher's kids--oh, they are so adorable!! I just had so much fun with both of them. The little girl, age 3, is too sweet, and her brother, 6, is just hilarious. At one point the little girl was sitting on a pretend horse, with a rope in her hand, and she just sang to herself, "I'm a cowgirl...I can lasso...I'm gonna get a bull..." It was so cute, and she just went on and on singing to herself--and I just wished I could go back to those days of simplicity! Well, I suppose I don't truly, but it was so cute to see.

I got back to campus a little after 5:30, and I grabbed a bit to eat in the Cafe before heading back to my room. My ride to church ended up falling through, so I didn't make it to help out with the GAs. Although honestly, I was pretty tired, so I didn't mind too terribly much; I did feel bad, though, to skip it without being able to notify anyone, but I didn't have anyone's phone number. So I just finished up revisions on a paper for English, and that was really all the homework I'd had. (It was a wonderful feeling! The beginning of the week had really been crunch time; I had three papers due in a row, and of course the test of Tuesday) So I decided to call my friend, Reed (mentioned in the "Past, Present, and Future" post). His mom had encouraged me to call him every so often, and he had said to call again sometime, too, so I did. Well, we ended up talking for an hour and forty minutes! It was crazy. Fortunately, I didn't have anything else to do, so I enjoyed it. We talked a lot about music, since Reed is very into that. He's getting a guitar soon, and he has been in a couple of bands. Anyways, though I've known this boy forever (9 or 10 years is pretty close to forever), I've never really heard him sing. Well, he played a CD he and his band had made...and wow. He can SING. I was so impressed; I just had no idea! I knew he'd been a drummer, and I knew he liked music...I just didn't know he was this passionate about it or had such an amazing voice. So that was cool, and I may get to see him in the next month or so. He said I could come visit him, we could play some music together, write some songs, even record some stuff. I've never done anything like that, so I think it'd be a lot of fun! So yeah, that was neat talking with him. Then another friend came by to talk, and she stayed for about two hours...then I was in a music mood, so I played my guitar for another hour...and yes, then I finally went to bed around midnight. (I know, I should work on getting to sleep earlier)

So anyways, those have been my days; and now I'm about to run go eat in the Cafe with friends and go to choir. And I just wanted to say that now that I've thought about things, there are some days where when it rains, it pours. But there are a lot of days where when it rains, it's a rain of blessings and goodness from God. And probably every day, God rains on us with blessings we miss a lot of the time. So from now on, I'm going to be looking for God to rain on me...cuz I know that when HIS blessings rain down, it is gonna pour!

Blessed

Some precious scripture:

God blesses those who realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is given to them. God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted. God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God.
--Matthew 5:3-4, 8 (NLT)

You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule. You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then you can be embraced by the One most dear to you. You're blessed when you're content with just who you are--no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of all that can't be bought.
--Matthew 5:3-5 (MSG)

May you be blessed this week.

Friends and Texas Fairs, Crafts and Friday Prayers

Phew! What a weekend! It's been good, tho busy. I put some pictures up below this post. One picture is of the fair I went to last Friday, and a second one is of what we did this Friday. Several of us all went to Michael's Craft Store and bought these little wooden frames for a $1 per frame. Then we bought a few paint colors and some glue and little "jewels." And then we went back to my room and all made our own frames! It was so much fun. We spent several hours just sitting and painting and talking--I loved it! And the total cost per person for an evening for fun and creativity? $3.80. Way cheaper than, say, a movie, and way more fun. So we were very proud of ourselves--and the frames turned out well, too!

That Friday, before we went out to eat and then to Michael's, we had our second prayer time together. Once again, it was a really neat time. I'm so thankful for girls who will come together and pray for me, and let me pray for them. It's a really good time to share what's on our hearts and to seek encouragment and accountability. We've all expressed desires to be better about our personal relationship/time with God each day, so that's something we've begun to hold each other accountable in. It's just such a neat group of girls.

Yesterday I got a paper written and then Kirstin, Christina, and I went to Family Christian bookstores to pre-order some CDs (I pre-ordered Stephen Curtis Chapman and Michael W. Smith's new CDs--it's so much cheaper to pre-order!). Then we went to Wal-Mart, got Kirstin's car inspected and her photos developed (which I should mention: all the pictures I posted below are from her role), and we got some shopping done. Back at the dorm, Christina went to study, but Kirstin and I watched a movie together. I had a hard time going to sleep, and since I woke up early this morning to get music ready for Sunday school, I've been pretty tired. For lunch, Kirstin, Christina, and I were taken out by an old family friend of mine (and at 92, she is old!) to the country club here. She was so kind to do that. It really made our days, since the country club is NICE. Christina especially had never been to anything that fancy, so she enjoyed it. Then I came back and basically slept for a couple of hours. Now I'm about to go back to church (they give out free meals for university students), and I may try to get some studying done for a test this Tuesday. Anyways, I hope all of you have had great weekends! May the Lord bless you richly this week.

My two BEST friends: Kirstin and Christina! 

My two other BEST friends: Rachel and Melissa! 

Craft night! (top-bottom, l-r: Rachael G., Rachel B., Kirstin, Ashley, me, Melissa, and Christina) 

Me and my friends at a Texas fair (top-bottom, l-r: Jared, Melissa, Kelsey, Rachel, me, Christina, Kirstin, and Ashley) 

Friends

Yes. Well. I did a very college student thing last night; I stayed up till 1:30 AM talking with friends. It was just one of those nights. My friend Christina was kinda having a bad day, so I dragged her into my room and told her she had to talk to me. So yes, that was about 7:00 PM...and then we finally got talking, and she did a really good job of opening up about some stuff. Some stuff that probably shouldn't be kept inside. I firmly believe there are some things that can only heal once they've been let out or shared with others. Then at 11:00 PM, Kirstin called was like, "So what are you doing?" So I told her a "party" was going on (yes, our school got a highly unfair (and flat out RIDICULOUS!) rating as a "party school" in Texas Monthly, but that's another story), so she came down to talk, too. So we all talked about stuff and then we all decided to pray for each other before going to bed. It was a super neat prayer time, and part of it was that all three of us kept giggling and laughing as we prayed! That may sound "irreverant," but I promise it wasn't. I believe God created laughter and joy, and I bet he was watching and smiling as his three daughters lifted each other up before him, even amongst giggles! Like Christina said on her blog, "Yay for awesome friends!" I echo that loud and clear. There have been a couple of rough things this semester, but God has been beyond good in the friendships he's blessed me with. All of my best friends are sweet, beautiful girls of God, with great hearts. It's been neat to start a weekly prayer group (altho last night's prayer time was an impromptu one) which we're having tonight, of about 5 or 6 of us. How I rejoice in the friends God's given me! There's nothing quite like true, good, and Godly friends.

Faith

This has got to be one of the most profound quotes I've ever read! I loved it so much, and it is so true. And it's by one of my favorite writers! I just had never read it before. I found the quote in Lee Strobel's book The Case for Faith (which is, by the way, an excellent book). It comes from Strobel's eighth chapter entitled "Objection #8: I still have doubts, so I can't be a Christian." I'll let the quote speak for itself, but read it carefully:

Those who believe they believe in God but without passion in the heart, without anguish of mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, and even at times without despair, believe only in the idea of God, and not in God himself.
--Madeleine L'Engle

Dorm pix (below) and the rest of my day

Hey guys! Today's Wednesday...woo-hoo! I love Wednesdays. Because it means the next day is Thursday. Which means the day after that is Friday. Which means it's the weekend! (Yeah...that's kinda always the way I went through my school weeks. Not that I don't love school, but it just gives me something to look forward to.)

I started out with my 9 a.m. PE class, which is pretty nice because mostly we're given free reign of the gym to work out: 20 min weights, 20 min treadmill/biking/etc. I showered and, in effect, wasted time until I could go eat at 11:15 a.m. Choir was at 12:00, and I love choir. It's got to be my favorite class. The songs we sing are beautiful, and most are also amazing worship songs. Our director is so great; he has such a passion for music. Above all, though, his passion is that our music would glorify God, and I think that is awesome. He is such a neat man and a wonderful choir director. Our pieces range from all different time periods and composers, but they're all beautiful. I will have to say that we're doing a piece by Bach that is downright hard. My sight reading is decent enough that I can follow along well, although my ear for the music and harmonies is probably my biggest asset. But this piece...well, it's difficult anyways, cuz each part has a different line it's singing, so we're all running against each other...and the second soprano line has got to be hardest one in the whole piece (our director said so himself). But anyways, I went to a practice room last night to pick out the part and go over it (over and over again!), and so I felt much more confident. I still messed up and got lost (we all did!), but there's something about working to master a challenging piece of music. It's exciting.

Anyways, didn't mean to get stuck on choir. Let's see, then I had my computer test, which was not too hard at all, so that was nice. I did some homework, cleaned my room, and at 3:00 I did my stress test for PE. It's a very interesting process. I got on a treadmill with a heart monitor belt around me, and then they plugged my nose with a clip and gave me a mouth piece to put on with a little tube I could breathe through. Each third minute, the treadmill got faster and went up an incline. I went for about ten minutes on it, and then it got about as fast as I could go. They said I did well, though. So yes, that was an experience.

After a shower and recovery time from my stress test, I did homework, then supper, than GAs. The girls I get to work with are great and really sweet, so that was fun. We made a video to send to some soldiers in Iraq, which I thought was neat. So now I'm in my room, writing e-mails, writing on my blog, and totally avoiding homework. Well, ok, I will get to it eventually. I don't have too much...well, besides my quiz tomorrow...and the two papers due next week...and the outline for a paper due on Monday...hmmm....perhaps I shall have to get on that after all.

May the Lord bless you in a rich, unexpected way this week that shows you just how much he loves you!

For the Lord God is our light and protector. he gives us grace and glory. No good things will the Lord withold from those who do what is right. O Lord Almighty, happy are those who trust in you.
--Psalm 84:11-12

My dorm room bed, with all my stuffed friends, family pix, two dolls and a batik piece (on the wall) from Asia, as well as some of my favorite verses on my wall. 

My bed, my books, and my "Baby!" Otherwise known as my guitar. 

Yes, I actually own a TV and a refrigerator! 

There Are Days

There are days of darkness
When I no longer understand
There are days of pain
When I cannot understand
There are days of weeping
When I don’t see your hand
But there is never a day
That you are not working your plan

I have seen your glory
As you’ve worked in me
I’ve seen you turn pain to joy
And you’ve done it in me
But once again I stumble
And once again I am weak
I do not doubt your heart
But I cannot feel its beat

So Lord, when I can’t turn to you
Won’t you draw me close
When I can’t take your hand
May your power still boast
In my weakness
For otherwise it will defeat me
Oh such sweet relief!
I don’t have to win the victory

Please, sweet Father,
In my grief, grant grace.
Please, sweet Father,
As I weep, lean close your face.
And if I look,
I will see tears in your own eyes
And if I wait,
You will give truth for lies

For though my heart whispers
That you are far away,
I know that you are closer now
Than you were yesterday
And though I despair of understanding
You promise your plan prevails
If I can cling to anything at all,
It is to the Love that never fails


Oh in the days of darkness
I may not understand
And in the days of pain
I might never understand
Though my heart and eyes weep,
Through tears, I feel your hand
And there is never a day
I do not have the promise of your plan

And it is good.

"I'm Blessed"

What a privilage to have a day of worship! It's so good to have a chance to step back from your week, your life, to stop and remember Who it is you're living for. I've had to learn some hard lessons today about what it means to really love someone. Love involves much more sacrifice (or at least it should) than I've probably realized. Read 1 John 3-4 for some amazing truths about love. In an e-mail I wrote my mom, I wrote:

I guess I’m really learning what it means to sacrifice my desires at God’s feet! It’s hard and it hurts. But love is hard, and it often hurts. I looked at 1 John, especially ch. 3-4, talking about love. And these were some of the things I read: “This is the message we have heard from the beginning: we should love one another…we know what real love is because Christ gave up his life for us. And so we also ought to give up our lives [or our personal desires!] for our Christian brothers and sisters…God showed how much he loved us by sending his only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love. It’s not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son as a sacrifice to take away our sins…if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love [will be] brought to full expression in us…We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in him.” From that, I know that 1) Love is not an option, 2) Love involves sacrifice, 3) Love, especially sacrificial love, is a direct way of being Christ-like, for that’s real love, 4) By loving, I am inviting God to directly dwell in me and to bring his own love into full expression in me, and 5) I can trust the love God has for me, and because his love (unlike mine) is faithful, selfless, and pure, I can trust him without fear (“perfect love expels all fear,” right?)

So that was my lesson today. I have to get to bed, but before I do, I wanted to share a story our pastor told today. This morning, as he was coming to church, he met a lady he knew in a motorized wheelchair who goes to a nearby Methodist church. As he passed her on the sidewalk, he asked in polite greeting, "How are you today?" And she answered with a smile and such precious words of truth: "I'm blessed!"

What a lesson to me! No matter what's going on in my life, whether or not my day has been "good" or "bad," when it comes down to it, I am truly blessed...simply because "God is love." And he loves me.

Things That I Know

It's a Friday, and I am so thankful for the weekend! It's been a great week, but I think I was starting to get a little sick towards the end. My nose is sniffy and stuffy, I cough a little, and I'm tired. But I think I will have good oppurtunities to rest this weekend.

Today at 5:30, I'm getting together with three of my best girl friends to pray together. These are the three who sat down to pray with me the evening Lance went into surgery, altho we ended up praying for so much more than Lance. We decided that was a precious time, of lifting each other up before the Father, so we've agreed to meet and pray for each other each week. One of these girls has a fiancee` in Iraq; he's in the Marines, fighting for our country. The other night she was given word that the convoy he was in had been hit, and there were several Marines dead. I can't imagine the agony of those hours before she knew he was ok. There are some things that can only be taken to the Father, for otherwise we would not know what to do with them; and some things can tear you up inside if left unsaid.

There is a grad student, Marnie, at my college here who I grew up with in Indonesia; we were homeschooled in the same old seminary building, I in first grade and she in fifth. She wrote a poem that reminded me so much of "home" that it made me want to laugh and cry at the same time. And, again, I was reminded of "home" when I read on the blog of a YWAMer that he was thinking of going to a city in Malaysia, the city where I lived and where my parents still are. I love Texas, but the things I "know" the most are still in Asia...and it is home. The people there are my people, and my prayer is to go back to them someday...for many of them still live in hopeless darkness, and it breaks my heart. In another poem Marnie wrote, she writes of these people:

old women walked barefoot
over tar-stained roads, carrying fruit baskets
and hungry children. Young men sat smoking,
playing guitars whose music blended with the
loud chaos of traffic. Naked children ran
with paper kites on fishing line, tugging against
the wind, laughing at small miracles.

Those are the people I love, the people God loves. As He weeps for those still living in darkness, do we take the time from our busy lives to even notice their existence? I pray that we would notice, and then do oh so much more than that.

I want to close with Marnie's poem; read it carefully, for it is a snapshot of the home I love:

Things That I Know

The smell of a monsoon rain,
the pressing silence after.
The sound of wind in a bamboo thicket,
the thick cold of mud that settles
between toes in a rice paddy
in the long season of rain.

I know how to climb a coconut tree
with my bare hands and feet.
What noise a rhinoceros beetle makes,
rattling angry in the matted grass.
Sweat that radiates from the body
at 105 degrees, mid-October sun
in my window, glaring.

A place where the earth melts away
in the stillness of dawn, where shadows
stretch long in a sandy crater as the red sun
creeps over the volcano's edge,
pouring into the barren mountain
like lava.

I know the voice of the Indian Ocean
calling out in the dark to all the distant shores
it may never touch, the heavy water
turning itself at the edges,
pulling over glistening beaches,
reaching again toward the deep.

Forgiveness, Life in General, and Worship

Well, I've learned a lot about friendships and forgiveness today. I've learned that you can't take back words you've said. (I know that's rather a "duh" statment, but there are times it's realer than others) Even if your words were without malicious intent, they can still hurt someone...so be careful! Check to see if your words will build up another person; if they don't, leave them unsaid, even if you think they're just harmless. (Obviously, this might not apply to criticism that needs to be said for the other's good...but even this falls into the category of building them up.)There are too many things in this world that tear us down. Why should we contribute to those things in our brothers and sisters lives? We should be the ones who go against what the world tells us, so that we can encourage and build each other up. My public apology to Christina for saying thoughtless words the other night; and thanks to her for forgiving me! (At least, I'm pretty sure that's what the sweet tea from Chicken Express meant...just kidding, we did talk about it earlier, too)

I've just finished my first major homework assignment that I've had since school started (meaning my first assignment I had to spend more than 30 minutes on). I had to do some research for a paper in my computer class. Since it could be on any topic we want, I'm writing about depression. No matter how familiar you are with a topic, there are new things you learn and/or are reminded of each time you look at it again. I'm grateful to the God of Hope who has so faithfully seen me through my darkest days. And I'm thankful that he continues to sustain me now.

Dinner was fun tonight; I sat with three of my best girl friends and two guys who are also good friends. There was a LOT of laughter and talking--it felt good. I'm so grateful for the people God has blessed me through, every day.

Here's a quote I wrote in my journal:

"Worship is a continuous outpouring of all that I am, all that I do, and all that I can ever become."
--Harold Best
Unceasing Worship

Dr. George Mason, pastor of Wilshire Baptist church, writes about this quote in an article:

"Worship is not a half-hearted effort from faint-of-heart semi-believers. It asks for all we are, all we have, and all we can ever offer of ourselves."

How I pray that my life would be an outpouring of worship--not a half-hearted effort, but a task that I attend to whole-heartedly every moment of my life. May all of you have a beautiful week, one filled with God's love and one that leads you into a new understanding of what it means to live a life of worship. God's richest blessings to each of you!

Past, Present, Future

In Speech, we're learning about the model of Man as a Semantic Reactor, meaning that our past, present, and future all interact and can affect the others. I thought of those interactions as a friend from last year came back to visit this weekend before going to study abroad in a few weeks. It was interesting to find out all that had happened since I had last seen her, and to learn all that would be happening in her life. I thought of this today as I talked to an old friend who is celebrating his 21st birthday today; and I remember how I met him when I was 10 and he was 11. I haven't seen him in three years, but somehow we talked as though we'd seen each other yesterday. Just funny things like that keep popping up...wondering how what happened yesterday will change today and how today will change the future...and how even the future can change the present.

My weekend was a very good time, altho I'm pretty worn out now after this whole week. Thursday night, I went with a friend to Ft. Worth where my granddad picked me up to take me back to Dallas. Friday morning, he brought me back to Ft. Worth for a doctor's appointment, and we had lunch with a friend who's known and worked with my grandparents for years. I spent the afternoon visiting my aunt and cousins (speaking of past/present/future, etc, how did they get to be 11, 8, and 7? Or is it 9 and 8? I can't even remember!), and my girl cousin spent the night with me. We watched a movie about a boy who had a brain tumor--it brought back memories of when I was 11 and 13 and spent weeks in the hospital just like he did, even though with something not nearly so life threatening. Saturday, my granddad drove me back to my dorm (altho he let me drive half-way!), and I had a babysitting job that night before spending time with Christina, Kirsten, and Nick (Kirsten's boyfriend). Sunday I got to play guitar for Sunday school again, which I have come to realize is a big passion for me; I love worship, I love singing, and I love playing guitar. I first wanted to learn guitar when I was seven, but I didn't learn until last year. Some desires never change, I suppose. I spent most of the rest of Sunday with friends; I was very tired and dealt with some depression that evening, but the Lord sent the right people to encourage me when I needed it. That was when I got to talk with my friend from last year who won't be on campus this year; she's now dating a guy who she was "just friends" with last year. It's neat to see how life moves along.

And today I called an old friend, Reed, who, as I've said, I met when I was ten. Altho I didn't remember it, today was his birthday; he's now 21. (Where have all these years gone?!) We had a good talk, catching up. There's always a neat bond you have with someone who's grown up overseas, especially between MKs; the whole TCK (Third Culture Kid) element really creates a common understanding about certain things. So it was good to talk with him, and we're hoping to see each other in person sometime this semester. I'm hoping to get him to come to college here, too, once he's done with jr. college this year. :-) Speaking of small worlds (which I guess I wasn't, but...), his mom actually went to university with my speech teacher, and they're good friends. Yes, the same Speech teacher who taught us about the Man as a Semantic Reactor model, about past, present, and future interacting all together. Funny how it all comes full circle eventually.